Today I'm writing about a subject near and dear to me: feeling good. I was a bit hesitant to write this article because the subject sounds corny and sappy, and it's easy to dismiss. But those who dismiss it are not my audience anyway. So I'm willing to be vulnerable here. And it might help someone! So here goes...
WORRYING DOESN'T WORK
I don't believe in worrying. In my experience, it doesn't help in any way. If you're inclined to worry about something, stop worrying and do something about it. And if you can't do anything more about it, then focus on something else.
Right. Like that's so easy.
I do know it's not easy. But I firmly believe that focusing on the stuff that's not working is not only bad for your health and your spirit, it's not even effective.
You might've heard the saying "What you resist, persists." There's another one that's kind of a corollary: "What you focus on, expands." Worrying is a kind of resistance, a fighting-against--and it's a great way to keep a problem in place. It's also a kind of focus, which expands stuff, so it's a great way to make a problem even bigger and more stubborn. When you look at it this way, worrying sounds like a really bad idea.
There’s also that unconscious knee-jerk reaction, the thought that says: If I don’t worry about it and give it my attention, I’m not being responsible. If I don’t pay attention to it it might get worse! Wrong. Exactly the opposite is true.
But how do you stop worrying? It's hard, obviously. But it's not impossible. What's required is mental discipline. Put another way, training your mind. Or, put even more clearly, managing your thoughts.
MANAGING YOUR THOUGHTS
Learning, and practicing, thought management is not something most people ever do--and that blows my mind! Learning to manage our thoughts should be something we start doing as soon as we learn to talk, if not before. We spend our whole lives living in our own heads and it doesn't occur to us to take control of our own thoughts?? That's literally crazy.
Meditation is one good way to learn to calm your overactive mind. It's a discipline where you learn to focus on your breath, or anything else but your thoughts really, so you can get practiced at watching the thoughts come and go without attaching to them. Learning to detach from your own thoughts--learning that you are not your thoughts--is a powerful antidote to mental and emotional instability.
But meditation is not the only way. As I said above, one way to calm yourself when you're worrying about something is to focus on something else.
CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
I've been a student of Abraham-Hicks for a few years now. Esther Hicks is a woman from Texas who channels a nonphysical entity called Abraham. I know, woo-woo stuff, but I like listening to Abraham's YouTube videos, because everything he says just makes so much sense.
(Side note: Abraham's teachings are the original source of the Law of Attraction stuff, and "The Secret" wouldn't exist without Abraham--though the producers decided they didn't want to include Abraham-Hicks in the final product--but that's another story.)
One of the things Abraham repeats often is, "There's nothing more important than feeling good." This is another way of saying that focusing on something that's not going well--worrying, in other words--doesn't really work on any level. Focusing on something that's working, something that's going well, however, not only feels better, it has the general effect of diminishing whatever problem you were worrying about. And expanding the stuff that is working!
So this is another way of calming and stabilizing yourself mentally and emotionally: focus on feeling good. It's not meditation but, like meditation, it does take practice.
CHOOSING TO FEEL GOOD
I've been practicing feeling good for a few years now, and I'm getting better at it all the time. And I have to say, I'm not only happier, my life just goes much better in just about every way. It sounds simplistic, but I'm here to tell you, choosing to feel good is a mental discipline worth learning. In fact it might be the most valuable skill you can ever learn.
The method I prefer, and what's been working for me for years now, is keeping a list of good thoughts. This is a list of things which, when I think about them, help me feel good. I'm going to share some of the contents of my feel-good thoughts list so you can understand what I'm talking about, and maybe start your own list.
THINGS THAT FEEL GOOD
I got my teeth fixed.
Recently I went through a two-month ordeal with multiple dentist visits, a root canal, new crowns, etc. But now I can chew again, my mouth feels good, my teeth work, and because I live in Mexico, the cost of everything was very affordable. Any difficult process you went through successfully can be a good thought. Because it feels good that you got through it and handled everything, and now you're in a good place!
I have a great cleaning lady.
I used to have a cleaning lady who was expensive, didn't do a great job, and had a bad attitude. I finally sent her on her way and after some searching, a friend turned me on to Gloria, who has a sunny disposition, works her butt off and does an amazing job of cleaning my house, and charges less! Any time you've gotten a negative thing out of your life and replaced it with a positive thing, it feels good.
I have a terrific landlord.
My landlord takes good care of me. Whenever something needs fixing, he gets it fixed. It may take a few days, but it gets done. He's also understanding if once in a while I need a couple of extra days to pay rent. Plus he's friendly, pleasant and easy to be around. A good relationship with your landlord, your boss, your teacher, anyone with some power in your life, is a wonderful thing, and it feels good.
I finished a new drawing.
I just finished a very detailed new drawing that took me several days to complete. When I look at it there on my easel, it feels good! Add any project you've finished successfully to your list, because thinking about something you spent some time on, and finished and did a good job of, feels good.
I met a fun new person.
I went out the other night with some friends and met a new person, Rebekah. She is a hoot and I'm so glad I met her! Anytime you go out and happen to meet someone new who is fun and interesting, you should definitely add it to your good thoughts list. It feels good to have a new friend.
I made a good sale/Money came in!
I recently sold a large painting for several thousand dollars. That felt great! Another good example: I run a paid-subscription website, and that means that I have subscription payments coming in every single day! That feels good! Anytime you have a business success of any kind, add it to your list! Making money or completing a business deal to your advantage, feels good.
That meal was amazing.
I make an incredible tuna melt, and despite the fact that I make it myself, and I do it often, I usually find myself saying afterward, "That was a great sandwich!" Nothing's too small to add to your list. If you had a great meal, or even a good meal, add it to your list. Anything that feels good when you think about it, is good!
I figured out a new way to use my database to process orders faster and more accurately.
Figuring out how to use a new piece of software, or learning how to use a new phone or computer, or learning anything new and useful really, is definitely worth adding. It feels good to learn something new.
I joined a gymnastics gym.
I joined a gymnastics gym a few years ago and it was very hard to do. I felt very intimidated and fearful--but I did it anyway. And it's paid off. Now I love my gymnastics practice. Anytime you go through your fears and try something that you were nervous or afraid about, it feels good.
I could go on and on, but (hopefully) you get the idea. Keeping a list like the above, and updating and adding to it often, is a great practice, because it forces you to focus on the good stuff, not the stuff you're worried about. Then having that list on hand when you need it is incredibly valuable. When you find yourself worrying, or upset, or just thinking too much, pull out your list of good thoughts and spend some time focusing on them. It will probably be difficult at first, but the more you do it, the better you'll get at it--and the better your life will get.